I hope no one ever calls me “ma’am” without adding, “you’re making a scene.”
Long post ahead – so ladies and gentlemen, this vegan has turned on the fasten seat belt sign. I ask that you please buckle up, get out your popcorn and nutritional yeast, and make sure your seat back and folding trays are in their full upright position. Preparing for takeoff.
Well, here I am – I made it a over week. Can I call myself a vegan yet?
You need note cards to go vegan, a teleprompter would be helpful.. you know, if I could just have a scientist with me at all times to fight my battles that’d be great. I’m not an expert on all of the statistics and meatless pie charts of veganism yet – all I know is I don’t want to eat animals, there’s some science that it’s better for you, and I sleep better at night with no blood on my hands… or in my belly. But when you declare vegan, you better be prepared to go on the defense and have the facts to back it up.
The second I claimed my vegan-hood, I gained an instant reputation… and it was not necessarily a good one. Once the word was out, it became a free for all to talk to me about your love of meat and how “omg bacon everything”. Apparently being a vegan means I proudly stand with PETA outside deli’s pouring red paint on your fur and have stopped deodorizing. My favorite have been the men who need to tell me, “I couldn’t be vegan, I like my steak bloody and practically mooing” Good point, because nothing says, “I have a big penis” more than drinking the blood of a still mooing cow.
I’m so hypocritical though. Just 9 days ago, I liked my burgers medium rare, tuna fish was it’s own food group, cheese had my heart, and I was a master of everything eggs. And truly, I don’t have all the facts of why I’m doing this… I watched a movie, and decided to uproot everything I know… so maybe I’m just a pawn in the vegan cult.
That being said, I definitely am 100% sure there is no harm in going full veg. Trying to explain that though has been such a weird battle… one where I get either full support (mostly other vegans and my mom), skeptics and the “how long do you think you’ll last” crew, and the carnivores who think I’m as nuts as the nuts I’m eating. “The studies say”, “there is factual evidence”, “umm, have you seen the conditions those animals live in?”. These sentences just don’t cut it with you animals of prey.
But enough of that – yada, yada, yada, you’re judged for it – just like everything else you do in life… moving on.
I don’t need to write a long novel about it – but I want to share with you a blog post a friend shared with me over the weekend. She shared it because of some troubles she’s going through in her relationship, but it’s interesting how we can read the same words, and apply it to different points of our lives that need it in that moment. It started like this:
You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in. You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.
It’s a quick read and definitely worth it. I was coming to this point in my life where I felt like I was in a bad relationship with my kitchen – and I needed to leave.
Here’s the biggest surprise though: going vegan has honestly been a lot easier than I thought it was going to be..
I find my nose and brain are on two different pages. We had a friend stay this weekend, so after a night of a couple (cases) of beer, we woke up the next morning foggy and famished. Cue my inner college student who wants nothing but greasy diner food. So the assembly line of scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, sausage and coffee with creamer begins. And holy shit it smelled so good. I gave in to a little whine, “I don’t want oatmeal!”, but in my attempt to rationalize just having a little bit of their breakfast I realized… I also didn’t want the bacon. So as I sat there eating my oatmeal – although it was no sad bowl, I added maple syrup, bananas, raspberries, and raisins – I realized even though that familiar smell of delicious breakfast smelled heavenly, I truly didn’t want it.
I really am enjoying it – no joke I’m having fun with it. I almost went a whole blog post without relating it back to smoking, womp-womp sorry here it goes; when I quit smoking, it was like almost every day I would notice something better about the way I was feeling: I could take deeper breathes, everything smelled better, I could take longer runs, food had more taste – every day I’d wake up and get to discover something I hadn’t experienced in 14 years. Going vegan has been the same – every day I feel better, and every day is exciting.
I keep mentioning how I feel better – but this is not your la-di-da I feel so great, up in the clouds, look at me bull shit – like, I can literally pin point the ways I’ve changed in just nine days.
1. My back seriously doesn’t hurt. I mentioned in my “My vegan journey – Day Five” post how I have chronic back pain – yup, 28 years magically solved in 9 days. I want those years of co-pays to doctors who gave me endless pain relievers back.
2. I’m drinking only one cup of coffee a day. That’s literally, no joke, without exaggeration, about a 5th of what I was drinking 9 days ago.
3. I’m not as hungry, and when I am hungry, I actually get full after eating. It’s noon right now as I’m writing this – this morning I had oatmeal and a cup of coffee with almond milk. I’m starting to get hungry now, but really haven’t thought about food all morning. Normally, I’d be craving salt, sugar and carbs by this point.
4. I dropped a pound. I am not – I repeat, NOT doing this for weight loss – a lot of the comments I’m getting these days are, “why are you going vegan – you don’t need to lose weight.” That is not why I’m doing it. I workout everyday and very much care about being healthy – and hell yeah, I want to look cute in that dress too – but this is not about dieting or weight loss for me whatsoever. Okay, now that we cleared that up – shit, if my body wants to shed some of those chemical carbs I’ve been eating my whole life, by all means – TAKE THE POUNDS!
5. My skin is already clearer. I’m still wearing a full face of concealer before leaving the house – but give me a break, one habit to break at a time.
Last night for dinner I had the most hipster sandwich ever – and it was fucking A+ phenomenal. I found this bread at Aldi – if you don’t know Aldi and have one in your area look it up NOW, seriously. It was $3.99 and fulfills my plant based goals.
As you can see – all whole oats, no whey or other milk protein, no eggs – still has more salt and sugar than I’d like… but I think making my own bread is at least a level 5 vegan… so I’ll save that for down the road.
For my sandwich, I also made my own hummus. Can someone please tell me why I haven’t been making my own hummus all along? It tasted great, and cost me probably $.55 total. Winning!
All it was, was: in the food processor –
- one can of chickpeas (rinsed/drained)
- 2 cloves of garlic (I’d probably add more next time – I fucking love garlic)
- 2 tbsp lime juice
- 2 tbsp water (can add more to make smoother)
Blend until creamy! Then I added some red pepper flakes and chili powder on the top. I know a lot of recipes call for tahini, but I didn’t have it – and it was still bomb.
Okay, so toast bread – check. Make hummus – check. Then I took a cucumber from our garden, some spinach, some fresh chopped onion, and homemade pickles (more on that another time) – and voila, my first homemade hipster sandwich!
It was so effing good, and ridiculously filling. I made another one for work today, in fact… I think that’s a good reason to stop writing, I’m hungry and have food I’m looking forward to!
If you’re still reading, thanks for following along!
Or start at the beginning if you haven’t already -> “My vegan journey – day one“
And just because: